Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
