A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
