I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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