and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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