apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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