I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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