Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
