He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
