Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
