I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
