At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
false alarm. still invincible.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
