So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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