Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
