You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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