Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
