Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
