You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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