as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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