I seem to have left my pride at pride
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
