This is not my ceiling
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
