he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize