How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this will be a night to untag.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
