Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
