they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
