come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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