we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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