I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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