we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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