I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
