I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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