she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
