Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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