Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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