we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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