I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just invented taco cereal.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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