I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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