i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
