You can't motorboat a personality
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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