He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
