Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
