im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
