Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
