I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's blow job season.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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