You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
