Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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