Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
