Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
