Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
