so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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