saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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