you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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