kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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