I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
