i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
