It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
