He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
