Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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