My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize