I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
