I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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