I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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