This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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