Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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