are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
