Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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