just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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