Fine. I'll sleep in my office
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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