Got a toothbrush?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
