i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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