Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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