then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
