After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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