I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
