I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
