I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
