I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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