I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
