Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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